Drifting Off and Waking Up, Part Two
It is hard to say what changes through meditation. Often, it is not what we thought it would be when we began meditating. Western science tends to look at the physical or psychological indicators of change, while the Eastern traditions focus on the "religious" aspects of change: the changed person practices a perfect morality, enjoys higher states of consciousness, attains enlightenment or liberation of mind, and actualizes the spiritual qualities of love, compassion, and understanding.
I have studied change for some time, in my own meditation practice and that of others, and still I find it hard to say exactly what changes or transforms. Permanent change, in the sense we all like to look at it, does not seem to happen. I have not seen anyone lose anger or never feel desire again after having had a temporary meditative experience of seeing these emotions vanish. Destructive habits that one may have, such as drinking, lying, promiscuity, etc. may come under greater scrutiny and control, but the underlying thinking or desire involved in these activities is still present.
It is my contention that the change which occurs through meditation is for the most part subtle rather than dramatic. It might thus be easily dismissed or glossed over as inconsequential in comparison with the things about oneself that one believes need to be changed, that one believes meditation should be able to change.
If we accept that we cannot easily see what changes and that many of our objectives might be unrealistic, it might be more useful to approach the question differently: What is the transformative process that unfolds in meditation? What we might look at is how change occurs.
Fulfilling my promise in the first part of this article, I would like to illustrate the transformative process which occurs in meditation when we allow our minds to be as they are and drift.
Allowing the mind to drift in meditation requires the relinquishing of control over our meditative experience. It is the dropping of all instructions, expectations, and assumptions around meditation. It is the awareness of what arises when the mind is permitted to go wherever it will go, including extended periods of internal chatter.
Having relinquished control, one may at first encounter fear when allowing the mind to be natural and undisciplined. There is often no trust in the mind's ability to find ever more peaceful and perspicacious states of consciousness. But it will, inevitably. After one emerges from one of these deeper states of tranquility, it is not uncommon to feel restless or anxious. Fear of deepening tranquility can develop from these experiences - it is not a fear of loss of self (or extinction) that some people believe is the source of this, but a tacit knowledge that this state of deepened tranquility acts as trigger for the arising of certain emotional experiences.
It is odd that deepening tranquility would result in this scenario when one might surmise that the logical outcome would be that increased tranquility in meditation should lead to a more stable presence of inner peace in our lives. What our logic does not take into account is that new states of consciousness affect the mind in new ways. The field, or range, of inner experience grows, and it is that range which changes irrevocably (permanently, if you will). More important, however, is one's seeing how new states of consciousness affect the mind.
Just as a certain type of restlessness may come out of an experience of deepened tranquility, so will other unexpected occurrences arise out of other types of experience. A brush with sadness and depression may lead to a fruitful contemplation and deepening insight when the mind is allowed to be held by the dark mood and gain a secure footing. An intense emotional experience, where the memories are vivid and compelling, may at one moment appear endless, "all that I am,"; when the mind is able to stay with it and contain it, it may shift in a variety of ways, leading to its dissipation and/or understanding. The key to these changes occurring is a growing acceptance of the fullness of one's meditative experiences and the opening up to a process that is new and affects the mind in new ways.
If we take this approach of seeing the transformative process as that which brings about new states of consciousness, which in turn affect the mind in new ways, then our meditation will not be about goals, ideals, attainments, as happens when one views transformation as involving a "changed person." It will instead be about knowing and experiencing, more deeply than ever before, that which generates our perceptions of the world, our feelings, our desires, our fears. In short, we can then begin to know the underlying process of the generation of one identity or another, and not be conned into the trap of believing "I am this" or "That is me," with any solid conviction, for any painful length of time.
Copyright © 1998 Jason Siff
© 2007 The Skillful Meditation Project